Back on the Zoloft

I went back on zoloft last week. I'm only taking 25mg, but my anxiety seems to have diminished somewhat.

I still get stressed out about work. Its amazing how this job affects my whole life. I took last Friday off and actually had a nice weekend. When Sunday night rolled around though I started to get depressed again.

The biggest problem I'm having right now is this place has brought me so down that I can't even summon the energy to look for another job. The thought of starting over exhausts me. Even more sad is that I find myself wishing for natural disasters and such in the area I work. A little tornado or something to tear the roof off or an electrical storm to cut off electricity for a few days. How pathetic is that. But every morning, sure enough, I turn on the news and wait for a headline telling me that the building has been wiped out.

**sigh**

The Dysfunctional Family Business

I've been doing research and looking for articles on the internet about family owned business'. Not so much for information, I guess I just want to know my co-workers and I are not alone and I have someting to relate to. I suppose I am also looking to see what happens to companies in situations such as this.

I've read about where family members don't get along and a bunch of articles written by business consultants who help family owned business' that come to them to save their company.

I'm sure the situation at this company is not unique. This is a second generation family owned business that should have been turned over to the third generation long ago, not that it would have changed anything.

This is a family that constists of the founders son as president, his sister and brother-in-law and son. Although the family sticks together, the president is in charge and micro-manages. The rest of the family members have no decision making authority, but pretty much get what they want. The employees are left in the dark with all of the stress and responsibility on their shoulders.

The family has no business plan, no vision, no business sense and the company has no money. The goal of the president, who is nearing seventy, is to collect a paycheck for as long as humanly possible and to remain in charge, as I assume his father didn't let him be when he was alive, for as long as possible. He gets a kick out of making petty rules, while ignoring the real issues.

The real problem with the company at this point is he will not give us any answers. I'm sure he should have filed for bankruptcy long ago. He dodges the same phone calls he makes us answer to, yet will not tell us what to tell the angry customers and suppliers. His answer to everything is "Just tell them we're working on it". we've been telling them that for years and now risk losing some of our major customers because we can't fill their orders, and suppliers because we can't pay our bills.

As for the rest of the family, they are all dumb as rocks. If the economy was in better shape and if I wasn't so stressed and burned out it might be a little easier.

It's a vicious cycle. I'm worried about my health and the health of my co-workers due to stress levels around here. Out of fifteen employees at least two people a week call in sick. Its what we call attitued adjustment days. Every couple weeks or so we just have to get away for a day.

I could go on for hours, but in a nutshell; there you have it....another version of the Dysfuctional Family Business.

Its a Blog Eat Blog World

I'm not sure when Blogging was introduced to the internet world, I myself, just discovered it a few months ago. I must admit writing and reading blogs has become a favorite pastime of mine. They seem to be the hottest thing on the internet. Some people are so creative.

My favorite blogs are those where people are writing about their daily lives and really have something interesting to say, or those who's lives I can relate to in some way. I'm not as keen on the news and information blogs, they seem to replicate any other website out there.

So where do people come up with these ideas and brainstorms? When I first discovered blogging I used it as a was to vent and release some of my pent up stress, Lord knows I have enough of that! After I got in to reading other blogs I realized its a way to just get things off my brain. It sure spares my office mate from having to listen a lot of useless chatter. What a huge relief to be able to unload the brain of useless thoughts.

My co-workers and I have been using another way to relieve stress at the office. Virtual vacations; we pick a location and e-mail each other back and forth with pictures from the internet of our hot vacations and tell each other whats going on. I can almost feel the sunshine on my face and taste the Pina Colada now!!

Who Moved My Cheese

"On their journey, four characters barely survive until they finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and proceed to eat lots of cheese and are very happy. Then things begin to change. Sniff and Scurry soon notice changes in their environment. Hem and Haw, however, think they are out of the woods and take the cheese for granted. These two develop a comfort level in their newly found stash of cheese. Gradually the cheese begins to dwindle. Sniff and Scurry are not concerned. They see that the cheese is not going to last forever so they put on their running shoes and search for new cheese.

Meanwhile, Hem and Haw do not notice the dwindling supply of cheese. They are not alert to what the future holds for them. When all the remaining cheese is finally consumed, Hem and Haw throw two huge fits like little babies. This does not bring the cheese back, yet they remain unwilling to search for new cheese.

Change occurs and Hem and Haw are left behind. Hem is bitter and reluctant to leave the cheese station in order to find new cheese. He is very stubborn. He is too set in his ways to make the necessary changes. He thinks he deserved the cheese, and wants the cheese to be returned. He is not interested in searching for new cheese. His old cheese is the only cheese he wants and he refuses to leave the empty cheese station. Many people stick with old ways of doing things because it is too frightening or difficult to change with the times."

I'm beginning to think I work for Hem & Haw. Another rough day of "Don't worry things are getting better if we all just work together we'll get through this." The truth is this Company has been going downhill for over ten years. Out computer program is seventeen, yes 17, years old.

I got home from work yesterday and could barely move. I was brain dead. Good news is I've identified the source of my stress and anxiety, bad news is I'm still here.

The pressures of my work environment truly effect the way I react to things away from the office. I am constantly stressed knowing that I have to go back. Again, oblivious and stubborn management is to blame.

I feel like the character Peter Gibbons in the movie "Office Space"

Bob Porter: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.
Peter Gibbons: I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob!

Peter Gibbons: It's not that I'm lazy; it's that I just don't care

I couldn't have said it better myself!

Not So Surprising Statistics

According to an August 2002 Gallup Poll, 31% of U.S. workers are somewhat or completely dissatisfied with the amount of stress they face at work.
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As reported in the Sept. 17 issue of Healthcare, those with white-collar salaried positions had higher stress levels than blue-collar hourly workers.
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The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that 67% of American workers are unhappy in their present work situation.
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An article in American Psychologist in 2000 revealed that 26% of adult Americans reported being on the verge of a serious nervous breakdown.
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Seven of the top-selling drugs worldwide are either antidepressants or anti-ulcer medications, and stress is cited as a prime factor in the need for both, noted the journal Behavioral Healthcare earlier this year.
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When asked how much money - base salary plus annual incentives - it would take an employee to leave his or her current position, 54 percent of those polled recently said a mere 5% to 10% would do it, notes global management consulting firm Towers Perrin.
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The American Institute of Stress claims that stress is America's No. 1 health problem, and "job stress is the major culprit."
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A recent study of 5,000 people from a variety of organizations and industries found that only 10% to 20% of the work force was truly "engaged" in its work, productive and generally satisfied with their jobs. A majority of respondents (80% to 90%) were "disengaged."
Dissatisfied employees fell into two categories: "burned out" and "rusted out." Burned-out people suffered from over-engagement, too much work, too little time. Lots of effort and very little reward. The burned-out employees were characterized by disorientation, a loss of passion and an overwhelming sense of tiredness.
The rusted-out employees were using the time to avoid committing more than absolutely necessary to keeping their jobs.
Are you in any of these categories in your work environment - burned out, rusted out, stressed out, unhappy or on the verge of a nervous breakdown? What are you doing about it? And how is it affecting your career?
Day-to-Day Work Life and Stress
The statistics are grim and the story they tell is of a serious malaise in today's workplace. But the other side of the story is the sense people have that they haven't any power to change the situation. Caught up in fear of change and comfortable in the victim's role, many direct marketing professionals are living out days of quiet misery.
Doing enough to get by can describe a new work ethic.

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To me these are not so surprising statistics. Its just plain scary, especially when employers are oblivious and/or could care less as long as their company is existing and they are collecting their compensation.

How can a company survive when the employers themselves don't care and don't have a business plan. Don't they realize that if the employees are burned out and doing just enough to keep their jobs, there can be no growth for the company.

I've been reading about how employees skim minutes off their days by arriving late, leaving early and taking extra time at lunch. They pad their expense checks and call in sick more often than not. At the company I work for the employers are guilty of the same. How can they possibly expect us to give it our all?

Burnout in the workplace seems to be becoming an epidemic.

Stress Relievers

I found a way to relieve some of my stress at the office during the day. I sit in an cubicle in a center office with no windows or natural light. It gets really depressing, especially now that the weather is getting nice outside. I can go a whole workday without seeing sunlight.

I was really depressed about coming in on Monday after a beautiful weekend, so I brought in a coconut scented candle, put a photograph of a local beach I walk at on my computer desktop and am playing tropical music. It seems to ease the pain of sitting in this dungeon all day. Instead of going home depressed and worn out this week, it gets me psyched for a walk on the beach when I get home.

I rack my brain day after day trying to come up with something....anything to get me out of this place. I wonder if I will ever have a job I can look forward to coming to again. I remember the days when I was twenty something and looked forward to my job everyday. Now I try desperately on a daily basis to get past my burnout. I still know a few people who actually do like their jobs. The question is "How do I get back that lovin' feeling?"

I read a article in the local newspaper last week about stress and traffic congestion. It talked about how much time people in various cities spend sitting in traffic. I felt a little irked when the person they interviewed from our area was a woman who didn't work, but was stressed because she spends to much time in traffic to do her shopping then at lunch time when she wants to eat, the restaurants are packed with the work crowd, so again she has to wait. Please, is that really stressful? They didn't interview anyone who has an hour drive to and from work because of traffic then has to do their errands after work. Those same people who can't even stop out for lunch because their allotted time isn't long enough to drive to a restaurant and have to wait for a table. It's funny (or actually kind of sad) how stress is perceived differently from people in different situations.

Well, I'm back to off the tropics for a while.....

Stress Release

I had a good night last night. J went out, I went shopping right after work and got my mom her mother's day present. Came home, made a big grilled chicken salad with the works for dinner, cleaned a little, put on a few nice smelling candles and watched "American Idol" and "House". Very Relaxing!

This morning's another story....back to work. Ugh! It's like a 3 ring circus around here. I wish someone in charge knew what they were doing. Thank God for my friends here. We help each other get through the day.

My phones been ringing off the hook; people looking for money. Of course, they can't pay anyone. I don't get any help or suggestions from management, they basically use me to fend off the calls so that they don't have to take them. One of these days, I swear, I'm gonna lose it and just walk right out of here. They've ruined my perfectly good mood.

How's a person supposed to function when they are surrounded by dysfunction all day long.

"Take this job and shove it, I ain't workin' here no more" I WISH!!!!

Family Stress

I just got a phone call from my Mom which is starting to give me a bit of anxiety. I've been going through this issue with my family about spending money on presents for each other. We are all adults and are all having a tough time right now with money being tight. God knows I hear from my Mom enough about how now that my dad is retired things are going to be tight. So here's the stress.

My Dad's birthday is at the beginning of April, my Mom's two weeks later. My birthday was yesterday. Both of my sisters and my nephews have birthdays within the next two weeks. We also have Mother's Day and Father's Day coming up. I was at my parents house delivering their presents, when I mentioned, because it has been stressing me out for years, that it was getting to hard to buy Christmas and birthday presents for everyone. I would rather just buy for my nieces and nephews. We are all getting older and I am constantly getting things I don't need or want. I live in a small place and have no storage room. I think that as we get older, my sisters and I are all approaching 40, we don't need to give up paying bills during these times to buy gifts for each other. My mom comes back with "That's ridiculous, what do you want for your birthday". **sigh** I told her I didn't need anything. Well she won't hear of it, "I'll get you gift cards, where do you want them from". The thing is I just gave both of them gift cards. My sisters both got them gift cards, My sisters will give me gift cards and I will give them gift cards. None of us need anything anymore and we've been reduced to the "gift card exchange".

Not that I am unappreciative of the gifts and the sentiment, but I can't afford it, they can't afford it and it's unnecessary.

So today I get the phone call, My mom letting me know that my sisters are taking her out to breakfast for Mothers Day, great, I would love to take my mom out to breakfast for mothers day, and it's affordable. Then she hits me with a list of gifts she would like. Now I'm faced with not being able to afford groceries, my license renewal or my car insurance for the month. I have to give up one, to go along with this family tradition. My next check after the Mother's day celebration has to pay for, a birthday present for my nephew and a communion gift for my niece. Those are ok, I am happy to get them gifts, they're children, I also have to get my two sisters presents, again, other bills are coming due, something is going to go unpaid.

I don't want this to make me sound cold and ungrateful, but I don't thing gift giving is necessary to show love or affection. I don't want to put my family in the poor house so they can buy me presents and I don't want to be there myself. I just think we are getting to old and need to wise up a little. Isn't having a small family gathering to wish each other well enough. To me spending time with the ones we love is more important than anything.

Job Stress

Is there really any relief from job stress. I read more and more articles about scheduling your time, talking to your boss, and other ways to relieve job stress. I've even read that you may just have to quit your job. Yeah right, how may people in this economy have enough savings to tie them over if they just decide to up and leave their jobs? How many jobs can you truly decide what you are going to do and when? With my current job and jobs I've had in the past, you have to do the work as it comes. Bosses hound you and you have to answer to them now, not schedule them in when you anxiety levels allow you too. Lets get real here!

As with every morning, I layed in bed long after the alarm went off, wondering what would happen if I just didn't go in. I knew what stress was ahead for the day and just didn't want to deal with it...then reality set in. I hopped out of bed and grudgingly left for work.

Now that I'm here, I'm miserable. Day after day, week after week. My health is failing, my face is breaking out, I'm losing my hair and I'm nauseous, but guess what; I still have bills to pay, so off I go.

How would that look on a resume anyway? "I left my last job because I couldn't handle the stress." I suppose there are more creative ways to word it, but what about when they call for references. Most every listing for jobs I read in my field states "must be able to handle stressful situations". Are they advertising that your job will be stressful. How many people can handle that and for how long. Even after successfully interviewing potential employers, I find out after the fact (from my fellow employees) that the person who's position I took hated the particular position because of one sort of stress or another. The employer painted a different picture during the interview. You know "They couldn't handle the work" etc. What I'm beginning to learn is employers, just like employees on resumes, can make anything look rosier that it really is.

Take my current job. The woman I replaced worked here for 25 years and retired. I was told everyone has worked here 10+ years. "This company must be alright". WRONG...Everyone who works here is burned out and miserable. The woman I replaced only held this position for a few of her years, then couldn't handle the stress anymore. So here I sit, stress out and sick.

Till yet another day........