Down in the Dumps

Feeling a little sad today. I'm so overwhelmed at work and with things going on at home, I just don't see an escape. I wish I could go away for a couple of weeks with a couple of good books and just relax and have a little peace.

I've had too much on my schedule lately. I just found out I missed a friends jewelry party last weekend. I didn't even RSVP. I don't like having things lined up for me constantly. I can be rather introverted at times and lately it seems like I've had people in my face all day every day. J is extroverted and keeps our schedule full. He's a little controlling and I'm starting to spin out of control because of it. The job doesn't help either. My boss just tried to hit me up during me lunch which gives me anxiety for the rest of my lunch period because I'm now waiting for him to come running over here at 12:45 on the nose to go over something.

I wonder if people actually have Nervous Breakdowns. The kind where they just loose it one day and wind up committed. I feel like I'm almost there. I just can't shake this feeling of sadness and wanting to get away and hide from everyone. I'm really thinking of quitting this job and breaking up with J. It's been very emotional for me. Money is tight right now and I know I love J, he's just not willing to comprimise. He wants everything his way and thinks I should be happy with that.

I haven't been able to be myself in so long I just want to hide somewhere and curl up in a ball. I feel like if I do that for long enough I will come out of it and everything will be ok. But I know thats not the case. So I walk around like some sort of zombi time bomb waiting to explode, or just keel over and give up.

I hate these days!