Taking Care of Myself

"Learning how to take care of ourselves involves making appropriate distinctions about ourselves, others and life in general. One distinction that is crucial for our well being is realizing how and from where much of our stress is primarily generated. While some of the stressors that we face are apart of what it is to be a human being, much of the stress that we experience is of our own creation. A great deal of the stress that we experience has its origin in our own personal story and the meaning we make about life, in the thoughts that we think. Once we understand that we are truly the cause in the matter, that we are responsible for the thoughts that we create or invent and that it is from these thoughts that much of our stress is generated, then and only then will we begin to be able to truly manage our stress and have the power to live the life that we want and love. Blaming others or situations for that which we experience will only limit our power, lead to frustration and eventually a great deal of stress." Harry Henshaw, Ed.D., LMHC

Per my last post you can see I am living with acute anxiety. Part of the stress felt is not from not knowing who I am, but from associating myself with others who don't understand who I am.

Let me try and put it into perspective; I know exactly who I am and what I want out of life. Throughout my life I have formed many wonderful friendships. Friendships that need nurturing. When trying to fit my friends needs in, I sometimes have to sacrifice my own needs. That is not to say I don't believe in being there for my friends or that I don't want to spend time with them, but that I have a great love for life. This love comes from being able to enjoy so many different things.

Some of my greatest pleasure come from taking a walk along the shoreline after work to relax and soak in the beautiful view and hear the sounds of nature. I unwind by reading, watching movies, cooking, playing on the computer, playing with my cat. I actually enjoy house cleaning during the morning hours of the weekend. These are things I do alone, because I enjoy it that way. I can clear my mind and sort through things without input from anyone else.

I also enjoy a chit-chat with a friend, going out for drinks, sitting by the pool or the beach, boating and playing cards. These are things I enjoy doing with other people.

In order to achieve balance in my life I have to have time to do a little of all of these things. When this is disrupted I suffer from extreme anxiety. Lately my life has been leaning towards activities with friends and the part of me that wants solitude is starving right now. We have been staying with my in-laws for a few months while we have work done at home. The constant lack of privacy and chaos of hearing about everyone else's life, instead of having even a brief moment to focus on mine has become overwhelming. Its easy to see how some of my friends that are parents feel when they lose their identity to parenthood

During my normal flow, now that I am in a relationship, I seem to have a little less time for myself and spend a lot more time trying to accommodate others. I don't want my friendships to suffer so I find myself taking phone calls during my walks. Listening to my mother-in-law talk non-stop during a movie or while I'm reading. My father in law does all the cooking and cleaning, which are both things I enjoy doing to unwind.

I guess I'm just someone who doesn't need people as much as other do, and I'm feeling pulled in to many different directions, instead of heading in the direction I want to be.

I love my friends and I love my family, I just wish to be understood a little better. My next task is how to get the point across to people that I need a little solitude without offending them.