Old friends, New Friends

During this busy summer season with personal commitments, fun in the sun and spending time with my hubby, I started to stress out about my friends. I realize that having good friends isn't something that is normally stressful. The stress actually comes from balancing my time, time with new friends and time with old friends.

I've recently began to realize that I don't nurture some of the friendships I've had for years. I have to make time to return certain phone calls or force myself to put in a call at all. "Why?" I had to sit down and think about it. It was a question that was truly bothering me. After some deep thought I began to realize that in going through different stages in our lives, some of my old friends and I have grown apart. Not from lack of time together but from lack of similar interests and our lifestyles changing as we grow as people.

Certain friends that I've had for years seem to understand this the same as I do. We keep in touch, see each other a couple of times a year and still really enjoy each others company. Others still try and call for weekly lunch dates, drinks and shopping. Does it make me a bad friend to not be able to make the time for them as often as they would like? I really thought about it long and hard and know that for the most part I just don't have as much in common with some of them. We've all changed. There have been marriages, re-locations, career changes or lack of and children. I know that doesn't mean that we can't know each other and see each other from time to time, but I sometimes sense resentment from those that are out on the town for girls nights out and those who have their "Mom Clubs".

Seriously, Where do I fit in with the women who don't work, take the babies shopping and to lunch once a week to talk "baby talk". What about the one's who's marriages aren't all they thought they would be so they go out drinking at night and complain about their husbands and the kids.

Thinking about this also made me realize that of all of my old friends I am the only one with a full time job. Some of them don't work at all and fail to think about the fact that when I get home from work at night, I'm tired and still have things to do around the house. Once a week and sometimes even once a month gets tough.

I know I'm beginning to sound like I'm the only person with a full time job and life is just to hard to handle, but that's not it at all. The thing is, I've made some new friends, neighbors and co-workers, people who I just seem to have more in common with these days. These are the people who, like me, have a busy life. We can go out for one drink at the corner bar after work before heading home. There's nothing like sitting down in the evening with a few neighbors to have a beer or chit-chat after dinner. There's no planning involved, no commitment, no driving and best of all it leaves the hubby and I time to get things done around the house.

So where does this leave the old friendships? None of them are people I want out of my life forever. I just believe its time to take each friendship for what it is. A certain friend whom I've know for over 10 years tries to make weekly plans with me. As much as I like her, we really truly have NOTHING in common. Yes, she's nice and she's always gone out of her way to be good to me, but our conversations are strained. There is just nothing there anymore. Still, like clockwork, once a week she calls to make plans and I try to explain to her that I'm busy or tired or would like to stay home and relax, so she calls again the next week. If she lived closer it would be easier, but she lives an more than an hour away. I've been very honest about what I'm up to and how I feel, yet I still find myself feeling guilty about not returning calls or getting together with her. It sits on my brain like a dead weight.

Is there a solution to changing the status of friendships, without ruining them for life, or does there come a time when you just have to say "Its been nice knowing you but..."?